Monday, November 10, 2008

Excerpt from "A Child's History of Ruritania" by Mr. Esmer Fudge. London, 1852

This is more of a collection of notes than anything else.

(Dates to follow, name of X to be supplied by noted historian of the later Roman Empire, Dr. Donagh Y. MacGonagle.)

- Ptolemy first makes mention of "...a wild, barbaric people, much given to raiding and living in a very rude state on sausage and goats milk."

- The lands of the Ruritani are conquered by X and incorporated into the Western Roman Empire.

- The Ruritanian tribes unit under Donog the Bastard and rally to the banner of Aetius to defeat the Huns at the battle of Chalons.

- Fall of the Roman Empire. A dark time descends on the lands of the Ruritanii. Petty tribal chieftains fight a series of internecine wars the devastate the country. The Christianised tribes are driven out or forcibly converted.

- Ruritania fell into a morass of sin and barbarism for a period of nearly six hundred years. The folk fell into many ill practices, idol worship, polygamy and infanticide, as well as others too shocking to be described. If the Ruritanians of this period had anything to their credit it was that while this resisted Christianity, they resisted the invading Turk and Musulman just as fiercely.

902 - St. Cian of the One Eye arrive to spread the Gospel and was martyred by being boiled alive in the King's beer.


  1. I do not believe that last item. No one with any sense at all would waste that much beer.

    And, of course, if they didn't have any sense at all that would mean that they had ALREADY drunk all that beer.

    Boiled, yes . . . but spoiling the beer, no!

    -- Jeff

  2. >I do not believe that last item. >No one with any sense at all >would waste that much beer.

    Truly they were a decadent as well as a barbaric people...

  3. Jeff - great minds think a like or what?? I was just about to write a comment "what a waste of good beer" when I saw you already had! :o))

    C'mon - appreciate this is an imagi-history but it needs to have some basis in truth and I can't see *any* European tribe wasting beer..... LOL!

  4. Even a passing knowledge of the Roman Empire will tell the reader that here, Mr Esmer Fudge has been mislead by Ruritanian propaganda. Being far beyond the Danube, only punitive expeditions would likely have reached the tribal zones now comprising Ruritania. Most probably during the Markoman Wars instigated by Marcus Aurelius.
    The Alan tribe who were active during the Hunnic incursions of the fifth century did align themselves with the Romans, but this was dure more to their dislike of the Huns than anything else.

  5. Excellent stuff! (the blog post and the comments!) :-D

  6. Is the name Alans simply another for the Ruritanii? There is definately some signs of Roman settlement near Strezlau, the ancient baths at Fitzenbad, would seem to indicate the presence of a colony. Or is this evidence of a Romanized Ruritanian community rather than a settlement proper?

  7. "I do not believe that last item. No one with any sense at all would waste that much beer."
    It does make sense - if they (ritually, of course: they were a religious people, not godless barbarians) ate the whole dish, or at least drank the perfumed, if degassed, beer...

    Wonder about the relationships between Ruritania and Syldavia?


  8. P.S.: Eagerly looking forward to discover the Lace Wars Ruritanian uniforms... (an unsufficiently known annex to Mouillard's plates?).