Sunday, August 21, 2016

A breach of decorum




"To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal"

Ecclesiastes 3:3 is a verse that sticks with me. It's not a favourite (it's no Romans 13:4 or Mathew 22:37-40 or for that matter Mathew 8:9), I've just heard it so often that I can finish the quotation without effort.  I suppose it has been rendered trite by repetition - I've heard it too often at family funerals.  One of the tragedies of our modern comfortable lives is that we hear truth so often that it can lose it's meaning, like Kipling's Copybook Headings, as it is repeated, decontextualized, satirised and commoditised. We lose sight of it, like a page photocopied time after time, until it becomes a grey mass of artifacts and noise. The signal is lost unless we search for it.

I write Joy & Forgetfulness for a variety of reasons. It started as a writing exercise, the literary equivalent of cracking out a few press ups of a morning, since then it has become a sort of personal showcase for my hobby endeavours, a repository for very silly jokes, a means of blowing off steam and communicating the weird little fraternity of wargaming bloggers, many of whom have done me the honour of becoming my friends. 

But if to every thing there is a season, to everything there is also a diction, a language that is suitable to the discussion of the thing.   The sense of decorum in the original sense of the word, was behaviour and language that was appropriate to the moment. I rarely write seriously here, so I hope you'll forgive the breach of decorum as Mrs Kinch and I have some very wonderful, but rather serious news, but rest assured we will be back to toy soldiers and silliness shortly.

But the long and the short of it is that we were gifted with a genuine miracle. 

Six years ago, we were told that we would be unable to have children.  It was a hard blow, but we made our peace with it eventually.   It wasn't easy, but the doctors were kind and the tests were clear. God is good, if not always easy to understand, and we were just going to have to make the best of it.

Several years later, Mrs Kinch lost an aunt and an uncle in rapid succession. A bright, lively talented couple who were taken far too young. Mrs Kinchs uncle, recently a widower and a bibulous old Tory who loved art and ties so loud that they were visible from space was of the opinion that,

"Doctors are idiots.  My father was one and I should know. You deserve children."

We smiled and thanked him and carried on.  But shortly after his death, we discovered he had made arrangements so that we could get a second opinion and had put in place the finance to make it happen.


It was a strange and unexpected legacy and we went down the path of IVF with no expectations. We already knew the answer.  IVF is a painful and often humiliating process and we were in two minds as to whether to go down that road again.  Eventually we decided that it would have been disrespectful to the memory of a kind and very generous couple not to try.


And it emerged contrary to everything we were told all those years ago, something miraculous had happened. We discovered that what we had been told was impossible was not and if our courage could bear it, we could try with a reasonable chance of success.  With the help and encouragement of our friends and family, the hard work of some very kind doctors and nurses and most of all, the considerable grit of Mrs. Kinch - we embarked on what was to prove a difficult journey.

It has been a long and hard road, especially for Mrs Kinch, and there has been heartbreak along the way.  But we have been blessed and are expecting the arrival of the Kinch twins some time in November.  I hardly know how to write about it - but there it is.

To steal some lines from Cowper,

"His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding ever hour,
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower."

















64 comments:

  1. To Mr and Mrs Kinch,

    Please accept my heartiest congratulations on your news - that is absolutely thrilling to hear/read!

    I trust that Du Gourmand and Capability Savage have consumed copious quantities of a suitable (or even unsuitable) vintage by way of celebration.

    Have you warned Flashman what to expect?

    All the best,

    DC

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    Replies
    1. They are warming the cooking turps as we speak.

      Sir Harry is currently in counselling.

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  2. Ck, I was intrigued by the title of this post, but reading it has left me feeling wonderfully uplifted on a day when I was a little 'down', I will confess to having tears in my eyes, sentimental old fool that I am. What a beautiful legacy and the outcome is a gift of Life, quite amazing. Congratulations to you both and thanks for sharing your heartache and joy.

    Lee.

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    1. I'm glad you liked it Lee. I was worried it came across as quite saccharine.

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  3. Congratulations to both of you!

    Bob and Sue

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  4. A wonderful outcome. Having recently seen IVF close at hand more than once, I understand the bitter / sweetness of it all and the intense journey that is embarked upon - it is an emotional roller coaster for sure.

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  5. A very touching story - Congratulations to you both!

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  6. Replies
    1. Lets not be too hasty...they could be footballers or something.

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  7. Bravo, Conrad! So pleased for you both.

    Best Regards,

    Stokes

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  8. Congratulation 1 - Twins ! your gonna have your hands full ! , Tony

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  9. Great news Conrad! My best to the whole Kinch family.
    Peter

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  10. Dear Conrad,

    despite protestations to the contrary, God is good. God works in mysterious ways and all the difficulties placed before you and conquered by your (both of you!)incredible persistence and determination mean that your children are all that more special. May you and your family face only bright future days filled with much joy.
    Jerry
    The Celtic Curmudgeon

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  11. I'm not very good on biblical quotes so I'll just leave you with this...

    "A grand adventure is about to begin" - Winnie the Pooh

    Congratulations to both of you!

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  12. Really pleased for you both. Nice to read about nice people having good things happen.

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  13. I shall enter into the spirit of this uncharacteristic seriousness and say "well done" all round!

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  14. Such a journey and so much joy to come,I am so happy for you both.
    Alan

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  15. What can one say, apart from congratulations. Another reason to buy toy soldiers.
    I hope you go for some sensible names though, please...I always thought mine was a belter.

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  16. Wow! Congratulations!! I am so pleased for you both. Here's to the generosity of bibulous old uncles.

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  17. My hearty congratulations to you both! The world is indeed a miraculous place. Best of luck with twins!

    All the best

    Jay

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  18. Wonderful and beautifully written. We all wish you the very best of luck.
    R

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  19. Mr Kinch. A highly moving and joyous post. I wish you both all the very best and congratulations on your forthcoming arrivals....there's nothing like it, as any parent will tell you.
    all the very best
    Mike

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  20. Conrad,

    All the best during the coming months!

    My wife and I went through a similar situation several years ago, also involving several IVF procedures, but after so many attempts, we had to decide that continuing was not a further option.

    That indeed was a hard blow, but in the end, we all have to live with the cards that life has dealt us. Real life is not so much different from a wargame after all ;-)

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  21. A brilliant post, and wonderful news. Congratulations! I'm so pleased for you, and Mrs K. Such a moving piece of writing, to borrow a literary quite, "I think I may have something in my eye!" Well done to you both, and to whoever is watching over you!

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  22. Many congratulations to you both. and the best wishes of the Jopson family.

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  23. You, my friend, have been doubly blessed. Congratulations to you both!

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  24. Congratulations to you both.
    That is the best news I've read on a blog in many a day!
    Best wishes,
    Arthur

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  25. That's fantastic news! Congratulations to you both!

    I found that around 4 or 5 was a good time to start them gaming :-D

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  26. Many congratulations. I have been following your blog by ROSS for some time and from the values you often express (or imply) I can tell you will make great parents.

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  27. Wow! Congratulations! That's the kind of news that merits a so-called "breach of decorum". Best wishes!

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  28. Wow, congratulations on a grand scale! Twins? Good luck!
    Best Iain

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  29. What wonderful news for you both. I rejoice with you. And twins! Marvellous. Children are simply the best thing. God bless you all!

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  30. Many congratulations to you that is fantastic news. A deeply moving and generousd gift from Mrs Kinch's Uncle.

    Cheers,

    Pete.

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  31. Congratulations, and best wishes to you both for the future!

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  32. A delightful desecration of decorum! He does indeed move in a mysterious way. Twins will keep you well and truly out of mischief. Congratulations to you and your good wife. Hope that the pregnancy has been progressing well.

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  33. Congratulations on the twin blessings!

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  34. Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Kinch! That is wonderful news. Things are about to change in a very big way. Best regards, Matthew

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  35. What wonderful news. Bless you both. Life often brings unexpected events. This is a beautiful one.

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  36. That is a staggeringly beautiful read, it brought a tear to my eye. Very many congratulations to you both.

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  37. Hearty Congratulations. As a father of four I can say that the Joy outweighs the times you'd rather forget! However, never underestimate the hole it will make in your model soldier world! Best wishes to you both.
    Chris

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  38. Oh blimey how your lives are going to change... bravo, just bravo...! Make sure they are bought up as God fearing, bibulous, wargaming, pipe smoking bibliophiles.. especially if they're girls.. Congratulations to you both..

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  39. Congratulations doesn't seem to cover it. What a great man Mrs. K's uncle was.

    Welcome to the great adventure.

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  40. That is fantastic news. My wife and I were on a similar road to yours. Making peace with whatever is in store is often returns the greatest rewards. May God bless you and your family.

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  41. Congratulations to you both! As a twin myself, I can assure you that you're embarking on quite an adventure!

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  42. The best of news and the best of wishes.

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  43. Even having witnessed similar processes on very close people, I cannot begin to imagine the feelings you have now. My most sincere, wholehearted congratulations. Yes, for sure it will be a challenging path. But don't despair, for the reward will be beyond any expectation. God bless your family. Congratulations!!

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  44. Sincere congratulations to you and Mrs. Kinch, from a father of two. Here is to a busy and boisterous house full of family chez vows. Too bad about that sweet games room though! Best use it while you can !

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    Replies
    1. What's going to happen to the War Room?

      If it went, where would we keep all the stuff?

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  45. Marvelous news. Congratulations to you both.

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  46. This is the best news I've heard in a long time! As a "New Father", if you keep one end fed and the other end clean, you can't go too far wrong!

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  47. What amazing and wonderful news, Conrad! Many congratulations to you both for what lies ahead. You're a gentleman of very singular generosity, thoughtfulness and warmth - you deserve this wonderful event, and I know how happy everyone is for you! Very best wishes to you and Mrs Kinch!!

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  48. What fantastic news! Congratulations.

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  49. Many congratulations! Fun Fun Fun! My son and I now play wargames, he is 12. I have such fun with my kids, I hope you do as well! Does this impact the color of your wargaming room's walls?

    Jimmy from Wisconsin!

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  50. Catching up after a week away from computers.
    Wohooooo!
    Good things actually do happen to good people.
    I say again: Wohoooo!
    That is all.

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  51. Congratulations from a reader and lurker (and father of three). Good luck - you will have the ride of your life, but the best time along the way.

    When god fails, science is there.

    Enjoy

    Marc the (1/72) plastics fan

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