Saturday, September 4, 2010

Doing a spot of malingering...

James Booth as Private Hook,
one of our greatest fictional malingerers.

After three weeks of feeling distinctly sub par and harassment from Mrs. Kinch I finally took myself to our local sawbones, who looked me up and down and told me it was "probably a virus" and to get plenty of bed rest, which I've been doing - though "probably a virus" is a very irritating illness as it demands that you don't do anything, but doesn't have the decency to have a proper name.

With any luck I might get a perfectly respectable disease in the mean time - the French Pox perhaps?

This has led to a shocking lack of progress on my dissertation which is proving to be a concern as well as the growing mountain of paperwork I have waiting for me.

I managed to work in a little idle toy soldiering last night in between bouts of being locked away like a tubbier version of Mrs. Rochester.

I based twenty one of Mr. John Cunningham's Sikh Akali last night while watching "Planet of the Apes" and then returned to bed, panting from the exertion. There will be pictures to follow, but essentially the process is as follows.

Cut 5/8 inch square of plastic card.

Glue Johnny's feet to the plastic.

Apply mastic or filler to the plastic card covering up Johnny's metal base.

Glue a square of magnetic material to the plastic card so that the chaps can be kept in A4 file boxes lined with steel paper.

These chaps will probably form part of the palace guard of Kaala-Akhati.

Mrs. Kinch is being terribly cheerful at present as she's having fun in the kitchen on the occasional of a birthday party on the premises this evening. She's just bustled in bearing anti-biotics and a bowl of Eton Mess for me to review before she serves it tonight. I think I'd better be going.


  1. Conrad Kinch,

    Hopefully your virus will not last long and that your health will recover swiftly.

    All the best,


  2. The only thing worse than a nameless 'condition' is 'Lower Back Pain' the only person who can feel anything is you, and the eye's of one's employer betray his thought..."Yeah, right! Lower back pain, malingering shyster"!

    I can lend you a first year dissertation on the Riechstag if that's of any use? Trouble is I'm dyslexic so it did get through the binding process with spelling errors, my approach to spelling is - If the two spell-check 'functionality' programs don't offer at least one recognizable alternative; Publish and be damned!

    Hope you're on you feet again soon...Chicken soup and hot lemon/honey, and lots of it, get well soon.